Today...

I am feeling like pooh today. My throat hurts, my head hurts, my neck hurts- and I'm hella tired. I bitch a lot, don't I? Oh well... that's pretty much all I use my blog for anyways!!

So today I get to train the person they hired for the job I should have gotten. How ironic is that?!? "Here, let me show you how to do the job I'm already doing but they hired you to do and sit in a pretty office and look good...." AGH! As I've said numerous times before in my blog tirades- life sure isn't fair.

Other topics of interest (for me at least)... I got a new KICK ASS bat bag for softball! I love it!! It's different (which is like me) and it's ORANGE (which is DEFINITELY like me!)! It's not your typical 'bat bag'- but rather more of a backpack like you would use for school books! I love it! Look at me write like more than one person reads my blog!! HA! Baby Chip, you know what my new bag looks like, so I guess I didn't need to describe it huh?!? Oh well... maybe one day my blog will be bombarded with visitors and they'll have some strange desire to read previous posts..... we can dream can't we?!?!? = p

Well that's it as far as updating my life for now. Hey Baby... I love you so much! You are the most amazing, sexy, precious, unselfish, caring, thoughtful, beautiful person I've ever met. I miss you every second I'm away from you and I cherish every minute we're together. You are truly my everything. I love you.

Life...

I guess I kinda need to talk... so I'm turning to my blog friend again. Reminds me of last summer and fall- when I turned to Mr. Blog often to whine about my apparant lack of self control on my own life and happiness. Oddly enough, that is the genre of this entry also.

I just hate that I can't have my perfect life. Yeah.. I'm bitchin' and moanin' about something every human being probably wonders. "Why can't my life be how I want it?" The difference is this: I HAD my perfect life. I HAD all I wanted. Or at least, I thought I had it. Then, it was destroyed. And I thought any semblance of that life was gone forever. However, then I thought there was another chance to get back that life I lost. And I've TRIED, I swear on everything I've tried, to heal so I can move forward productively. But I just can't. I can't. Things are ALWAYS weighing on my mind or my heart... and I can't make it go away. And I don't know what will. What I do know is I want it gone. Now. I want to remember and think about the past, and not hurt. I'll still be sad maybe, and have owie thoughts... but that PAIN- the one that pierces your stomach and stabs your heart so violently- will be gone. I want that. I need that. And I just don't know how to get it.

I've never been a quitter in my life. The mere thought kinda makes me sick. But I just honestly don't know what to do. And I hate feeling hopeless.

Baby Chip- I hope you know that no matter what happens, I love you more than I thought was ever possible to love someone. I've felt feelings for you that I never even knew existed. And I've also felt pain with you that I can't feel again. My heart can't take it. I don't want to die from a broken heart; like I almost did in July.

Kick Ass!!

Y'all see my kick ass blog?!?! Oh HELL YEAH!! The sexiest person on this Earth was sweet enough to take my lame ass blog and make it look like this! Pretty kick ass, eh??! I LOVE it! And I absolutely LOVE the person who did it for me. Baby Chip, I'm sorry you got kinda frustrated at the HTML stuff... but thank you so much for giving my blog more personality! I really LOVE how it looks. So thank you SO freakin' much! You are so tender. And I love you more than anything!

I wish I were as smart as you and could program my blog myself, but I'm not. Thanks for being so freakin' smart and making me so proud to have you in my life. You are truly amazing!!